I still remember that day. Every time I rewind and replay it I live that moment again and again.
I got up early in the morning even before my alarm could welcome me with its ringtone. I was surprised to see myself turn off alarm even before it could ring. Today was no different than yesterday but I was not feeling the same. I woke up early after a late and tiring night but yet all the fatigue was gone with just one smile that came across my face because today is going to be a memorable day in my life.
I got ready as fast as I can even before the time I usually get ready to go to college. I saw my reflection in the mirror almost a hundred times just to see if I looked good though nothing was out of place. It was 9:30 Am and I was anxiously waiting for the clock to strike 10. I was constantly checking my WhatsApp to see if I had any message notification. Thrice I dialed the number and disconnected it before it could get connected.
I was waiting for the call. I started losing patience and thought to start so that I don’t get late for my appointment. I looked in the mirror one last time to see if I was presentable. I was desperate to look good and be my best because it is going to be one of the most memorable moments in my life and I wanted it to make it the best.
While I was lost in my thoughts the ringing of my phone threw me back to reality. The name on the screen made me smile. I answered the call and was welcomed with one of the melodious voice I can ever imagine. It said’ Hi! Where are you? I am already there. How much more time will it take for you to come?”
I was out of my mind. What I was afraid has occurred. I am late. I said in a hurry “Oh! Sorry, Sorry, I am starting and will be there in 10 minutes. Please wait for me.”
I reached there in 15 minutes and parked my bike in the parking. I was nervous; a cold shiver ran down my spine.
I thought that this is happening. I visualized it happening in my mind many times and finally today that is really happening and I had this feeling of déjà vu. My heart was thumping loud enough to be heard by the person who was standing next to me. It was as if I just came back from a marathon race. My mind was racing and my heart was gushing blood like anything. The only things that occurred in my mind then were:
- My vague imagination was happening.
- I was late for the meeting I arranged with THE ONE whom I always wanted to take out for.
- I never thought I could meet her anywhere else outside.
We had agreed to meet for breakfast the next day just to meet and discuss. She was not willing and ready at first but after much coaxing and requesting she conceded to my request to come because I had a promise to keep. I promised her that one day I will take her out to lunch. And today was the day to fulfill my commitment.
I opened the door, stepped inside. My eyes were fervently searching for her in the crowd.
Amidst the crowd, she was there! She was sitting in a corner of the busy hotel room.
She was fiddling with her phone while waiting for me.
I waved to her and started walking towards the table. Adrenaline started rushing all over my face and body. Everything around me seemed to happen in slow motion.
She stood up to greet me. Hesitantly we exchanged “Hi!” and sat down. The feeling was both awkward and amazing; the touch of her hand was sensuous. The feeling that I was sitting with her was exotic.
I dreamt of this happening but living it is altogether a different and amazing experience. I was sensitive to 1000 times than I usually am. I jumped out from my chair when the server suddenly came asking “Sir, What would you like to order?”
Tried to look composed and calm I asked him to bring the menu card.
When he brought the menu card I passed it to her asking her to order whatever she likes because it was a treat and she was the boss. She laughed a little and said she is good. She was full as she had a heavy breakfast just before coming.
I was now disappointed. I asked, “Then why did you even come then if you already had your breakfast?” “I came because I didn’t want to disappoint you and also since you suggested that I will feel better after talking to you, I came around.” Was her reply
Finally, after a lot of discussions, she agreed to have something. We started talking slowly bit by bit leaving our shy zones behind and getting accustomed to each other’s company. I was trying to make a conversation and make her laugh and look silly at every opportunity I could just to see that beautiful smile on her face to burn a memory in my brain so that I won’t be able to forget it even after my death.
Our order came and we started eating. I was hoarding on my plate while she carefully cut small pieces of the food and started eating them. By the time she completed one piece of Wada I was done with my whole plate of idly. I blushed when I saw her as her plate was neat while mine was on the contrary. I managed to put a brave shameless smile as she was still eating her share. She laughed seeing my plate empty and understanding my embarrassment she offered me the other piece of Wada she didn’t eat. While munching on we were talking about my experiences and of how I managed my career and other activities. By and by we came back to the reason why we actually met. We started with future plans and all and career prospects. Life ambitions, dreams, mistakes, regrets, family, love, her views and my views on marriage and how they differed. We also fought to see who was right and who was wrong. All the time she was talking and I was very busy watching her every move. I registered every minute act and movement of hers because if someday comes where I cannot see her, I better have a memory of her which I can replay and relive the moment. I was totally and completely mesmerized and madly in love with her company. I know it was not right because it was not why we came there, but I don’t know why my mind was not listening to me and it acted as if it had a brain of its own.
I was in my own world of observations. I don’t even know what exactly I was talking to her. I was just trying to make a conversation with her so that she won’t stop talking and I won’t be interrupted in my process.
We were so indulged that we didn’t know how the time flew. We didn’t bother about what was going around us until the server asked us if we wanted anything else. When we looked at the time 3 hours has elapsed since we came!
All I could remember was her beautiful smile, lovely eyes and the small lovely strands of her silky hair that fell in front of her face while she was talking and the way she took the few strands into her hand and put them behind her right ear.
I couldn’t breathe properly when I was there. My heart was in sync with her breathing, when she was breathing out I was taking in her perfume filled breath. Millions of feelings and thoughts were rushing through my brain, emotions, feelings, thinking. I was multi-tasking with her. I was answering to all her queries and also taking in all her beauty, image, the way she was smiling, talking, her cuteness, anything and every small detail about her. I couldn’t think of any better place to be at that point of time. I was living in heaven being on earth. I wanted to feel her, touch her hand, feel her smooth skin on my hand I wished to hold her and comfort her, I wanted the time to be stopped then and there so that I can be there as much as I want to. It was the first time ever in my life I felt that way; I thought I found my true love of life. I felt that I could accomplish anything in this world if she is with me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I was in a trance, her trance and I liked being in it.
The time we spent with each other has been amazing.
What we talked all that time was not at all relevant or memorable but the meeting is itself the best memory of my life in the memory lane. After a lot of fooling around and my failed attempts to make her smile She was all smiles and happy and the look on her face told me that I made my purpose today. We both stood to leave and just before I was turning she said: “Thank you very much for asking me to come down today. I am feeling a lot better. I just wanted someone, a friend with me to pour my heart out and thanks for being there and proving to me that I can trust you. Thank you very much. Hope we be friends all the time”
I didn’t know what to say, whether to speak out my mind and spoil the moment or be silent and let things be as they are. The waiter brought our bill and while leaving a tip to him I left something else on the table that day, I left my love along with the tip on the table
I was happy as well as sad. My mind wanted her but my heart was afraid because it wanted her and also didn’t want to lose her.
I was in a fix in the struggle between the quarrel of mind and heart. There was this girl in front of me whom I thought I could not even talk to and today she is just beside me having food and pouring her heart out. I didn’t know what to do. My heart started speaking the first time and it said, “Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be in love with them, it also means to let them go to live their dreams and love their lives because you cannot make anyone to feel the same way you feel about them. She had dreams to be fulfilled and wanted a life of her choice and I knew that I didn’t fit in any of that place. Being a good friend to her is better than not being with her at all and hence,
I left behind my love that day so that I can go on a longer journey with her because not all stories have an ending and mine is one such story.