Craziest things I did to escape going to school!

 

I don’t know how many loved going to school. From what I see children who were toppers always loved to go to school and students who had friends loved to go to school. And then there is me, I just despised going to school. The only times I showed up at school was during Annual days, elocution competition (because I was good in English), cultural fests/programs etc. I did some ridiculous and craziest things to not go to school. You can comment too if you did some of them.

1. The overnight fever technique: I had to submit a science assignment in school the next day and I had a ferocious teacher who used to punish us to do Murga (to be in a squatting position and hold your ears from between your legs) and then kicks us on the bum from the back if we didn’t do it properly. And I didn’t do her assignment. So, to avoid going to school that day, I sneaked into the kitchen that night after everyone slept, slowly I took two onions, sliced them into pieces and placed them in my underarms, in my socks and wore them and just for safety I put few slices in my underwear too! And the result? I had a high temperature the next day and this goes without saying, my mom asked me not to go to school as I had a fever!

(Though my plan was a huge success, I got to know that the whole school went out for a picnic that day and the teacher said that she would check the assignment the next day! How I managed to escape that is a story for some other time).

2. Instant Vomiting (or you can say 2 minutes Puking!) technique: if I didn’t want to go to school, after trying all methods, just so my mother doesn’t get suspicious I used to shuffle the techniques I use so that she feels that something is genuinely wrong with me and I am not acting. Sometimes these techniques required method acting i.e. living the act. So, my mom comes and wakes me up just like every day, I tell her that I am not feeling well, let me sleep. She gives me a few minutes buffer and then pulls the sheets and pushes me to the bathroom. I crib and say “Mom why don’t you understand!! Don’t you see I am not well? Will you send me to school even if I am not well?” my school is just 5 minutes’ walking distance from my home so I wait for the right moment i.e. I wait in the bathroom until the time is exactly 5 minutes to reach school and then I use my finger or the tongue cleaner to create an instant vomiting (I ensure that I eat a lot the previous night so that it looks real). I tell my mom rather convince her that I am not well and I cannot go to school.

(This technique worked most of the time!)

3. Fake injury/real injury technique: To not go to school I used to fake that I hurt myself and I cannot go to school. This was not usually a great technique because my mom used to figure it out and send me to school but it was still effective. Sometimes when I really didn’t want to go to school for a few days, I used to ride my bicycle really fast and do a deliberate free fall so that she has no other option but to not send me to school! (Ouch! Yes it was very very painful but you see I got what I wanted, plus I got the love and care too!)

4. The Dad I don’t want to go to school today but mom is forcing me to go technique: This was my Brahmastra, if all else failed I used to go to my dad and tell her how mom was forcing me to go to school and how badly I wanted to skip it. My dad was my partner in crime in this aspect. Sometimes, in my early childhood days, my dad used to take spoken English classes at home, so my mom used to dress me up and send me till the living room where my dad took his classes and she used to go back to working in the kitchen. I simply walked to the seat next to my dad and used to sit there until his classes are over and by the time his classes got over, it was already half day over and my mom had no other choice but to give me a sound thrashing and let me be at home.

 

5. The blood in stools and urine technique (I know it sounds cringy but well I had run out of ideas of how to not go to school!): so now that I know, my parents will not send me to school if they really believe that I am not well, I had to look for other alternatives for not going to school. I had constipation problem in my school-going days and one day I had a very difficult time in passing the stool and in trying hard to be done with the process there was some blood too. I was shocked at first, afraid I told my mom what happened, she had a home remedy for this, she used to feed me few spoons of ghee mixed with sugar and then let me rest for the rest of the day and lo! I got one more technique to bunk school. So exactly after a month, I got up and went to the bathroom, as usual, to get ready for school and waited in the bathroom until my mom called out to get ready quickly as I am already running late to school. I slowly come out of the bathroom and tell my mom that there is blood in my stools and I do not want to go to school. Sometimes just so the act is real, I used to put some paste (which was red in colour) in the lavatory so that if my mom comes to check whether it is real she has the proof!

6. The Proxy Technique: whenever I needed money, I used to ask my dad because he never asked me questions but just gave it to me. I used to take that money and bribe the school clerk every month (Rs 100 per month) so that he marks me present in the attendance sheet. As per things at home, I used to get ready for school, pack my bag with storybooks and school books and used to spend the time either roaming around the city or sitting in an abandoned car in our apartments and reading storybooks in the car’s internal lamplight.

 

(This technique worked pretty well until the stupid clerk marked me present on a day that was declared holiday due to some protest. I was the only kid in the whole school to be present that day and from then on, this technique didn’t work!)

 

7. The “I went to school late and the principal sent me home back” technique: so now that I ran out of almost all options when I changed school, this time the school was really far. I had to cycle for almost 15-30 minutes to reach my school. So what I used to do is, instead of showing up to school as soon as I started from home, I used to roam on roads till noon and come back saying that the principal has sent me back home because I turned up late to school.

 

(This technique worked until the day my mom got furious and called the principal asking why he keeps sending me back home and he replied I never sent your kid back home! I had a good thrashing at home that day and the next day in school by the principal!)

 

These are some of the crazy ridiculous things I did to miss school no matter what. What did you do if you wanted to skip school someday? Comment below.

 

Bonus:

 

1. Bunking Home tuition technique: so running out of all options of making me study, my mom hired a tutor to teach me an hour a day so that I can keep up with my studies. Well I managed to miss most of them either wasting my time eating food, starting an interesting conversation with my tutor which was not at all related to the subject and my personal favourite lock myself in the bathroom until the tutor left
2. Did my homework but forgot it at my Best Friend’s house technique: the name speaks for itself I used to convince my teacher that I did the homework but forgot it at my best friend’s house who was my partner in crime!